Good Candidates Go Fast

Corporate America continues to be run badly.  If I ran a company and I needed to hire someone, so I could make more money because I'm not hiring someone unless it makes me more money than I will be shelling out for the hire, I would hire someone quickly.  Otherwise, I'm wasting money by leaving a needed position unfilled.  I'm either paying overtime or burning someone else out to cover it in the meantime or I'm just leaving potential revenue on the proverbial table, which may not show up on the accounting books but has a cost in revenue foregone or opportunity cost.

Why then do I see garbage like the image posted above on LinkedIn?  I see this all the time.  A company advertises a job.  Presumably, unless they're wasting money paying HR morons to do stuff that doesn't need to be done, they need this position filled.  This position has been open for at least a month.  They keep relisting it once a week or so in order to put it on top of the help wanted pile.  It's an easy sales job.  I know numbnuts apply to jobs they can't do and are unqualified for, but one can guess that given the easy nature of the job, half the applicants could do the job.  Why then hasn't the company hired one of them?

Because the company's run by morons.

Maybe this is a problem nationwide but in my area of the country many of the businesses are run, and by run I mean run badly, by second, third, or fourth generation family members who just don't really give a shit.  They were born rich.  The longtime employees, who may suck also, run the place on autopilot.  There is little incentive to improve by the bosses, though they may mouth platitudes to it, because they are already rich.  Being able to buy a second yacht isn't that exciting to them, so they waste all sorts of money in their operations.  Eventually, it hits a point where the business becomes unsalvageable, and they sell out to a sucker private equity firm who load up the company with debt and strip it of its remaining assets to the point where they can unload it to another sucker private equity group down the road.

If, as a consumer, you've ever wondered how these companies can be run so badly,  now you know.  There are usually a few dedicated good souls in each company who kind of hold things together until they too get burned out.

So, back to the point, if I ran a company, I'd advertise for help if I needed to, wait a week to have some time for the word to spread, then I'd pick three fucking candidates who looked good on paper and bring them in for an interview, then I'd hire one.  If I got ghosted or screwed over, I'd repeat the process post haste because it's a competition on the other side as well.  A good candidate is going to go quickly.  Not everyone who runs a company is a moron, so someone is going to snap that candidate up much to your company's dismay.  If you're fucking around running and rerunning help wanted ads for weeks, collecting needless stacks of resumes, doing multiple interviews, using personality assessments, having candidates fill out needless paperwork, and dragging your proverbial feet about getting back to someone, then you might miss your chance to actually get someone good.

Personally, when I see one of these rerun ads and I applied to the initial one and never heard anything despite being able to do the job, I breathe a sigh of relief because I just dodged a bullet.  If they can't read a fucking resume right and this is the stage of your relationship where they are trying to woo you because they desperately need help, imagine how awful they would be like to work for when they take you for granted?  Some candidates doubledown and apply again or contact the company or something, but trust me you want to steer clear of garbage companies like this one if you have any other options.  Let them miss out on your awesomeness.

Some of these companies don't appear to understand that the job search is a competition on both sides of the hiring though and think the world works differently.  Then when they either go without the needed work being done or they have to settle for a shittier employee and operations take a hit, they'll cry out for a government bailout from their own incompetence or something.  I remember attending this local manufacturer association meeting and the president of the association, who ran one of the local companies, gave this tearful speech about how the companies were at war with the government (yeah right, after the fucking secretary of state of the state had just given a speech laying the groundwork for his run for governor and then left) and society and they had to depend on themselves to develop their future labor force and how their businesses were hamstrung because they couldn't find enough talented workers blah blah blah wah wah wah.  

He was full of shit.  The companies were just too cheap to train anyone.  They wanted to pay a pittance and get these skilled workers in already fully-formed.  You could call that guy up and say you had an idea where he could try something different and just have some part-timers come in and cover the work in aggregate or something and he would just hang up on you and keep on running the business like his granddaddy ran it in 1923.  Then after he hung up on you, he'd be applying for a government grant or tax abasement (you know, call me crazy, but maybe if the school district--albeit probably also run badly--had a bit more money they could do more of the vocational training this guy's complaining about the lack of) and crying that he was going to have to sell his other yacht if something wasn't done soon to save the business.

But you know no one will listen to me because if I'm so damn smart, then why ain't I rich?  

Probably because my daddy never gave me a factory to run into the ground.


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